I wanted to tell you a little bit about my own struggles with alcohol. I say a little bit because I was stuck for a whole TEN YEARS, knowing I desperately needed to stop but not being able to go more than a couple of days without a glass of wine or, more often than not, a bottle.
There was no way I could imagine what life without alcohol could look like. I was entirely convinced that I would stay stuck in the depressing drinking rut forever.
The most excruciating thought, the one that was making me question my whole life was that I knew my drinking was damaging my kids and my relationship with them. Shame and guilt were my main emotions at this point. I would give my life for my children so why couldn’t I give them my sobriety?
Towards the end of my drinking life ( I say life because alcohol had taken over entirely) I would drink a few glasses of wine pretty much every night. I’d have my wine, fall asleep then wake up at 3 am and vow never to drink again and then I’d start the same cycle again the next day.
These were the “good” days. The bad days consisted of blackouts, arguments and being an irresponsible parent.
During a desperate googling session trying to work out what was wrong with me, I came across the book called This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. I read it in secret. I was doing a lot of my drinking in secret at this point, so no one noticed. The whole concept clicked with me straight away. • Stop feeling so shameful. Alcohol, with society’s conditioning and our own beliefs about what it does for us is the problem – not us. • The science about the false high it gives us and the reason we can’t stop because of the chemicals in our brain. • Learn all of the facts and then decide whether you want to continue to drink such a harmful substance or not. • Give yourself some grace and compassion and stop beating yourself up. I finished reading the book and stopped drinking, like magic. I continued to work through my thoughts and beliefs about wine. I had a slip up in the early days when I thought I would try a drink but I quickly realised that I just didn’t want to drink again. My life is amazing now. My relationship with my kids is open and honest. We talk about my drinking days sometimes and it’s ok. They were scared when I drank. They are just so pleased that I don’t do it anymore. I remind myself every day about how trapped I felt before. It makes me so happy to think about how far I’ve come and how much has changed. I truly want to help people to achieve the same. I was locked in a prison of my own making, and I want to help others to freedom too.